Mr Boss by Fun Factory Hybrid Vibe Review

“How quickly the time goes by,” I said when I realized that it’s been more than a decade since I bought my first toy. Just a little less since I acquired an indispensable (then) addition to said toy – a battery charger and a set of rechargeable AAs. My high libido combined with the fact that the poorly designed stink-jelly rabbit was draining four AAs every few uses made that purchase necessary for my budget. Ever since there wasn’t a rechargeable battery I paid more attention to then that first AA set. Yes, I’m including every phone I’ve had.

This is why my reaction to Fun Factory’s new idea was “in high school I would have killed for this!”. I’m being ridiculous and hyperbolic but you get where I’m coming from. Combining a battery vibe with a battery charger is an idea so neat that I would have never come up with it. Now that they have I have an opportunity to test it. Let’s take a closer look at Fun Factory’s Mr. Boss.


Pleasure aspects

Mr. Boss is above all a smaller, weaker version of a flagship Fun Factory vibe and dildo duo Big Boss. I’m really grateful for the more modest size as the pink Big Boss dildo in my case is the saying “too much of a good thing is a bad thing” made silicone.

Both Bosses are two of the most realistic Fun Factory products (only ejaculating dildo POP created in collaboration with Sememnette comes (pun intended) closer). But even beige toned Bosses look more like they were drawn by Erika Moen than cast from a flesh and blood dick. I’ve got nothing against very realistic replicas, and yet I have to admit that this kind of loose inspiration is more to taste.


The texture of Boss’s silicone is velvety, grainy, which on one hand stops it from collecting every hair and bit of fluff from the sheets (they still catch the majority, mind you) and on the other causes quite a bit of friction. When it comes to Big Boss this combination of drag, above average girth (1 3/4″ diameter) and ridged head makes me avoid the toy so much I don’t think I’ll ever review it. But then it comes to the smaller Mr. Boss that bit of roughness is the detail that changes sensations from “ok, you may continue” to “this feels pretty good”. Oh, what a difference 1/4 of an inch in diameter makes!

Luckily when Fun Factory designers were resizing the toy they didn’t shorten it too much. So while the girth is considerably less, Mr. Boss is still easy to use – I don’t have any issues with holding it and thrusting with it to my vag’s content. And those thrusts, as I already said, feel pretty damn good.


Adding vibration makes the experience even more pleasurable. Mr. Boss’ vibrations are strong and rumbly for an AAA vibe. Claims of it being “the most powerful battery vibe” need to be taken with a spoonful of salt. Yes, compared to other AAA vibes that are swathed in as much vibration-dampening silicone, Mr. Boss really shines through. But it won’t be a challenge to a C-battery chugging beast nor will it rattle as hard as hard plastic “Ace of Spades”. But that’s just physics and not the toy’s fault.

Having said that, I’m impressed with Fun Factory here. The vibrations go deep and remain noticeable even when I pair the toy with a mains powered wand. At first glance, the vibes are focused in the head, but this is misleading. As soon as pressure is applied it’s clear that they are mostly felt in the middle of the toy. This has mixed results: the downside is that it makes the toy less versatile. I can’t imagine using Mr. Boss as a clit vibe (tough if I got it as one of my first toys, I’d probably make do). On the flipside though, when using this toy “according to its purpose” the motor vibrates against my prominent pubic bone, catching all of my lower G-zone, including the nerve endings near my urethral opening.


What surprised me the most about this toy is that I almost always use it in one of the pulsation modes, opting for patterns with longer pauses. This NEVER happens. Patterns are something I try out to do my due diligence during testing and only revisit when I’m really bored. I remember gushing over Miss Bi’s rhythms, but a) I only enjoyed faster pulses, not “pausy” ones b) I got over them quickly. There is something about this motor tough, that makes it feel more noticeable when it’s in a pattern mode. That’s why I’m really glad that Fun Factory decided to keep using the memory function – pick your favorite setting and hold “Fun” button for a few seconds and the toy will start on this level until it resets (memory is reset by opening the battery compartment or draining the batteries).

Practical aspects

In my opinion Battery+ series is marketing move meant to convince people who shy away from rechargeables because they fear that the built-in battery will stop holding a charge. My oldest Fun Factory toys have been with me for around five years and I haven’t seen any warning signs from any of them. I don’t know if that would be still the case if I had fewer of them, causing heavier use (but also less chance of forgetting to periodically up the charge). I’ve never heard of Fun Factory’s toys not holding charge tough, so I’d say that those fears are not founded here.


Aside from memory function Mr Boss has a few other good design solutions that I’ve come to expect from Fun Factory: intuitive, working control panel with light up, raised buttons that click (other makers, watch and learn!!!); travel lock, charging level indication, compatibility with Click’n’Charge, being waterproof.

one blinking led, charged – from 0 to 33%

There is one thing that trips me up with Mr. Boss – the price. Battery+ vibrators are sold without rechargeable batteries or Click’nCharge charger for a bit more than some fully equipped Fun Factory rechargeables. To get the full Hybrid experience out of your Battery+ vibe you need to additionally buy a Hybrid kit (Click’n’Charge charger and 2 AAA rechargeable batteries). Otherwise, you got yourself just a simple battery vibe for the price of a rechargeable one. What gives? Maybe that’s only because they are new… At least on US Fun Factory site Hybrid kits are not as expensive as those in Polish Fun Factory store.


The price is the only thing that keeps me from issuing a full seal of aproval, especially since otherwise this is a solid, good toy I’d recommend to people who are looking for a high friction/medium power inserable with a bit of a G-spotting head. If you are in this group and:

  • need something that can be taken on a long camping trip but will still be used when you go back to civilisation
  • predict that charging a reachargable toy every 3 months for maintenance my slip your mind
  • already have AAA toys/accessories that you use frequently but still haven’t bought a battery charger for them
  • want to escape planned obsolence due to built-in batteries not holding charge after a couple of years 1.

you might give Battery+ toys, Mr. Boss, in particular, an extra close look.

I’d only strongly discourage people with parts very sensitive to friction, but that goes for all Fun Factory insertables. Go for powdery, silky finish, sensitive folks! To all the rest, Mr Boss is a solid, easy to use staple kind of vibe.


  1. But as I said, doesn’t happen with FF anyways

Orchid’s Epic Guide to Butt Plugs

I’ve explored my g-spot because others told me I’d have fun. And I had. A lot of it. But my ass? That I’ve discovered on my own.

Youngs Rectal Dilators - butt plug precursors

Youngs Rectal Dilators XIX/XX century, prescription only

It started with fantasies about medical procedures – growing up without quality sex ed this was the most fitting narrative for my instinctively felt desires. Medical Encyclopedia was my porn before I even knew porn existed.

It soon escalated to some experimentation, experiencing my first orgasm out of the blue and finally cottoning on what those “weird thoughts” were about. Later came the time of bad fan fiction and even worse commercially published erotica. The time of making my own anal beads and the time of hiding school supplies in the drawer under the bed.

Luckily it didn’t take long before I came upon enough information to put a stop to molesting my brushes and pens. Before I managed to do any damage swallowing something the other way around, I turned my interest to mainstream, vanilla sex toys. Unfortunately as it was almost 13 years ago, in my effort to be “normal” I picked what “should” give me pleasure – toxic jelly rabbits.

Changing the contents of my “sex drawer” didn’t however change anything that happened in my head. While I rabbited semi happily (“That burning sensation in my pussy during penetration isn’t normal? Huh?! It’s been there for years”) my fantasies still orbited around butt stuff. Slowly I started to accept that and let my turn ons guide my next purchases.

I quickly discovered an obstacle – nobody told me about the Great Divide between what happened in my head and in the stories I was reading and what my body was able to take. My butt proved to be extremely stubborn. It’s a testament to my anal fixation that I didn’t let lost money and accumulating unusable toys discourage me. Instead I continued my exploration, finally gaining skills and knowledge necessary for butt fun.

One of my better discoveries on that journey were butt plugs. Of course those I bought at first were either too large or badly designed or both. When I finally learned what works for my butt and how to work with it, butt plugs became one of my favorite kinds of sex toys. I may not use them as frequently as my g-potters and certainly not as often as my clit toys, but whenever I want more than a simple means to get off and get on with life, I reach for a butt plug.

Butt plug with a magic 8 ball

If I had this one, this guide would have been done ages ago 😉 Etsy

This article has been hibernating, growing and metastasizing in the drafts for months. What you are reading now it’s just a preface and a table of contents. Now that I have everything down, let’s start putting it up. Installments will go live every couple of days.

  1. Silicone, glass, steel – what are good butt plugs made of?
  2. The shape of the plug – safety, comfort and stimulation
  3. Making plugs more interesting – cool features and where to get them
  4. Incorporating butt plugs into your erotic play
  5. Butt plug troubleshooting.

As I wrote before in the article on sex toy materials not all of them are equally good. I may be repeating myself, but how can I not when so many people are unaware that no one controls sex toys when it comes to safety. Sex toys made from cheap materials not only stink hard enough to give some people migraines, degrade and quickly lose their looks but can also cause injuries similar to chemical burns. If you are in a mood for extreme sensations, instead of that jelly plug I’d recommend using a piece of freshly peeled ginger. Stings about the same but at least it’ll leave you undamaged.

There are a lot of non-toxic, but still porous toys made out of TPR. At first glance they look like a cheap and safe way to start experimenting with anal. But there are a couple of issues. First one is that there is no way to tell if the toy is made out of TPR (which doesn’t need plasticizers such as phthalates) or PVC unless you have a pretty advanced lab at our disposal – in that case CALL ME! Second: those materials degrade in really unflattering ways too, so you end up paying more for replacements. Third: very hard to clean the germs off so they can’t be shared between holes or people unless covered with a condom (please don’t use pre-lubed condoms for toys as they are covered in silicone lube that bonds to soft toy materials!) – additional expenses.

If we discard dubious materials we are left with:


Only flexible material used in sex toy industry that is both completely body-safe and easy to disinfect. It is also not unlike Tolkien’s elves, immortal unless somebody kills it (so keep your pets away). Depending on shore hardness silicone butt plugs can be more or less squishy but they are usually far from “jellies”. Silicone quickly warms us to body temperature. Because of the two former features silicone butt plugs can be less “noticeable” after insertion.

Another aspect in which silicone toys differ from one another is finish from shiny smooth (some Tantus stock) to velvety (e.g. most Fun Factory). That of course has impact on how the toy retains lube and how much drag it creates when used. Luckily silicone toys are compliant with not only water based but also oil based lubes. That last bit is very important to me. As a person with an Extremely Stubborn Butt™ I frequently need that extra slippery feeling the addition of coconut oil can provide.

There used to be an ironclad rule of not mixing silicone lubes and silicone toys together but right now things aren’t as clear cut. There are plenty of exceptions, lube-toy duos that work together without any damage. If you are bent on using silicone lube with your silicone toy (because you need the durability, because you want to do it under water…) you can do a patch test with a small bit of lube on the base of the toy (much like testing new cosmetics on your skin). If there is a bad reaction the surface will get gummy quickly but you’ll be able to scrape it off with a fingernail. In this case don’t use that combo!

Because of slight material give silicone butt plugs are great for double penetration. More so if they are paired with a glass or metal vaginal dildo. My body has a one hard toy at the time policy – even a plug with 1″ diameter and 1 1/2″ dildo can feel bruising if at least one of them isn’t malleable.

Please don’t be fooled by tones of TPR sold as silicone! It shouldn’t be used with oil or silicone based lubes, it’s porous and it can degrade. Just because it’s opaque doesn’t mean anything. When in doubt, flame test.

Plug B - Godemiche

Plug B – Godemiche

Tantus Ace

Tantus Ace

Fun Factory Bootie Kit

Fun Factory Bootie Kit


Hard and quite heavy, which makes it more stimulating. Glass retains temperature longer than silicone, allowing us to experiment – do we want it soothingly cool, shockingly frosty, or relaxingly warm (let’s leave burning hot out)?

Due to its smoothness glass requires less lube than silicone and can be easier to take for a beginner. What’s even better you can use silicone based lubes with glass to reduce unpleasant friction even more. That’s why it was with a combination of fingering and glass toys that I first experienced quality anal penetration.

Another thing that should be mentioned is fetishistic potential of glass. With toys wide enough one can practically look inside your body. Just like that, you are wide open and you can’t hide anything.

Artisanal glass butt plugs make great gifts (provided we know the size and shape our giftee wants). They are unique, can be custom made to our specifications. Also knowing that the majority of the profit will go to the artist who designed and made the product and not to an army of middle-men is a nice bonus.

Ciemnozielony szklany korek analny

GlassbyWoozy on Etsy

szklany różowy korek analny z Hello Kitty z cyrkonii

Pink Kitty by Crystal Delights

Szklany korek analny z niebieskim fiołkiem w podstawie

HedonicGlass on Etsy

Stainless steel

Just as hard and smooth as glass but heavier and more resistant to temperature changes. That makes stainless steel very stimulating while also keeping it as a good candidate for long time wear.

While superb this material isn’t cheap and we should remain wary of cheap knock-offs that are advertised as stainless steel when they are neither stainless nor steel and in some cases not even metal. Pits, discoloration, jagged edges? None of those things has any place on a sex toy. It’s best toy buy from places that guarantee quality, genuine products if we don’t want to be left with an empty wallet and a plug that we can use safely only as a paperweight.

The best example of high quality stainless plug makers is n-joy. While their shapes might be less than ideal for my stubborn butt (but lots of people love them) their quality control is flawless. I’ve even seen them fix products scratched by users free of charge.

Korek z cyrkonią

LuxGem on LoveHoney

trzy korki z pentelką

Pure Plugs by N-Joy

Metalowy korek z różą w podstawie

Medium Rose by Jullian Snelling


Unfortunately still not very popular, apart from Ceramix line from Pipedream, and small artisan companies. A bit lighter than glass, some ceramic plugs can be filled with water which supposedly makes temperature play easier but also lets us play with weight a bit. Ceramic is sealed with glaze that makes it body-safe and non-porous.

Pipedream Ceramix

Pipedream Ceramix

Honey Plug od Honeypot Porcelain

Honey Plug by Honeypot Porcelain

Pipedream Ceramix

Pipedream Ceramix


Drewniany korek analny

Nobessence Romp

Light, quick to warm but stiff and smooth wood can give unique sensations as a butt plug material. However, it needs to properly sealed to be used in that way. Know how a glass of water can damage antique furniture? Same goes for moisture and improperly sealed wooden sex toys.

Unfortunately I don’t have enough knowledge to recommend anything besides Nobessence right now. I hope to expand this section soon.

Hard plastic

I didn’t leave out this material only because of Dorcel’s rattle plugs (let’s forget their actual name, shall we?) and this little set (expensive and some reviewers say badly made but so similar to original Young’s!). Hard plastic is light, quick to warm and conducts vibration beautifully but I feel it ‘s best suited to bullet vibes and not as a butt plug material. Maybe if I had a prostate I’d sing a different tune.

Avoid using “PU coated” toys anally as they can stain.

In this part of the guide I will focus on how butt plugs are designed and how it impacts the fun we get from them. I hope I’ll help you to figure out at least a bit what you are looking for before you ran out for a shopping trip.

Let’s start: a run of the mill butt plug has a base, a neck and a body.


this is the most important part when it comes to safety. It has to be wide enough and firm enough and the curve leading up to it steep enough to prevent the plug from fully entering the anus and getting stuck there. If it doesn’t do it’s job we risk a highly embarrassing and a bit painful trip to the ER, where they have muscle relaxants and forceps.

At the same time the base shouldn’t dig in our butt cheeks as it simply doesn’t feel good. Ellipses, tabs or rectangles (with rounded edges, please!) may prove much more comfortable than traditional round bases, especially when we are looking for long time wear. Please be careful of silicone plugs with loop bases – unless you put a vibe or finger through them, they can get squished and sucked in.


it connects the base with the body of the plug. If it’s too short, your muscles can’t close enough to grip the plug which causes discomfort. This, of course is not always a drawback – sometimes a bit of harmless discomfort is the goal. However, look above to the red plug – this neck/base ratio is looking for trouble.

On the other hand necks that are too long just stick out of our butts. It looks silly and may cause the base to dig in to our cheeks more. Wearing a tight butt plug harness or using them sitting up will fix those issues, but it won’t feel as good as a plug that is “juuust right”.

The thickness of the neck, compared to the body of the plug is also super important. Wider necks give more stimulation, sometimes to the point of distraction, but narrower ones provide more secure placement. Beginners often buy slim butt plugs, fearing they won’t take a bigger diameter and then get very surprised when their new toys shoot out of their butts like comets.

This is even more important when buying animal tail butt plugs. They are even harder to keep in place because of the weight of the tail, but even small ones can stay in place easily if properly designed. If we buy one with almost no dip we might end up playing “pin the tail on the donkey”. That doesn’t sound so hot… oh wait, is there a creative punishment for dropping it?  Well, I changed my mind.

A very big difference in diameter may make removing the butt plug tricky, particularly if narrowing is sudden. I personally prefer not to leave spades shaped plugs for longer periods of time, no matter how comfortable and non-bothersome they are for casual wear. There always comes the time when they need to be taken out and better to do that before the sphincter forgets how to let the large body through.


In most butt plugs this part has drop or spindle shape. If your butt is stubborn like mine, you might want to take note of the next bit:

Let’s start with the top of the plug – for me this part dictates how easy it will be to get the plug in. The steeper the curve, the quicker the diameter grows, the harder is to convince my butt to stay relaxed.

If the plug has a gentle slope I can take quite a reasonable size. A bit of fingering and here we go! But give me a ball shaped plug and 1 1/4″ diameter feels like 2″, which is pretty much “nope” for me.

I can tolerate longer plugs just fine, but I know there are some people who hate them, so take that into account too. Do you like deeper anal penetration? Or are you more of “just the tip” kind of a person?

For me the moment when the thickest part of the plug slips through my muscles is the best part of using it. I usually time my orgasms so that I can come after that, especially if I’m using a bigger plug.

Another thing that needs to be watched for is the “exit” curve I’ve mentioned earlier. The more abrupt it is, the harder it can be to remove the plug – if you get stuck, I there’ll be a trouble shooting at the end of this guide.

5 reasons not to dismiss brick and mortar stores

I admit, I love shopping on-line. The ease of it, the privacy, and almost unlimited choice in items! However, I still love checking out a well-equipped brick and mortar store. There are things that you simply can’t get unless you get off your butt and do some off-line browsing. That holds true for sex toys and intimate apparel.


1. imagined inches are always shorter

When I got my first vibe I was shocked at the size. I ordered it on-line and even tough the dimensions were listed just above the „buy now” button, I was still completely unprepared. In hindsight it was a pretty standard sized rabbit, but for me – a teen new to vaginal penetration – it still was way too big (and toxic). If I visited a sex shop beforehand I would know to look for „small” and „petite” if I decided to order on-line. Or, intimidated , I would have left the store with a non-penetrative toy. Both options would be a lot more pleasurable than forcing my body to like that I got instead of getting what I liked.

That was 10 years ago, now on-line shops have videos or even scaled photos of their wares. Nevertheless, I still recommend that toy newbies visit an off-line store just to see how 7” length and 1.5” girth looks like.

2. some things just have to be felt

Right now every toy that has a motor is billed as super-powerful and earth-shaking, while very few actually are. A lot of the vibrators just aren’t that well developed when it comes to motors. Some are just plain weak, some have the power but utilize it in a clit-numbingly buzzing ways. There is just no way to tell. Neither the look, nor the price can tell us what’s inside. Only feeling the toy in our hand, listening to the timbre of the vibrations, can we get the most of the bang for our money.

Not only electronics are better chosen in person. The finish of the toy – whether a dildo or a clit vibe, can differ widely. Is the silicone powdery or rough – that can’t be decided from just looking at the photos. Is it squishy or firm? How firm, exactly? Does the handle fit comfortably in our hand or is it awkward? Are the buttons easy to operate or do they need to be pressed really hard?

3. partnered trips are the bomb

On-line shopping is just fine when we know exactly what we want – with the help of a few reviews we can usually land a really good product. But what if what we want most is inspiration? What if we don’t know what we lack but “we’ll know it when we see it”? Then a trip to a sex shop is in order. Even better idea is taking our SO with us – who knows what we are going to find out about our turn ons?! We might surprise each other and ourselves.

4. no shipping

On-line shopping has one major drawback – shipping. Not only does it add costs and waiting time but sometimes boxes can come banged up, or worse – our item is dead on arrival. Thankfully discretion is a standard these days. No one is going to send out a package that screams “sex toy”. However, I was shocked to find out that in the US it is standard practice to leave packages unattended on porches! And what about nosy family? By bringing the item home in our shopping bag we can avoid all of those problems and make sure that our toy is ready to be used right away.

5. classes!

Unfortunately my town is too small to have adult sex ed classes, but a lot of quality sex shops in larger cities have them. Some of them are free, some require a small speaker fee. The topics range from vanilla to advanced BDSM. Not only are those classes given by knowledgeable speakers but there is usually an Q&A section that gives us an opportunity to get advice tailored to our circumstances and difficulties – something we can’t get from a book.

There are a lot of good sex shops out there, not just in the US (for those, check out RedheadBedhead’s blog!). Big cities such as Toronto, Sydney or London have tens of them – click on the links to check out the best ones! Those lists include not only regular, mostly vanilla establishments, but also specialty fetish stores. Some of them, like Sh! have their own toy lines.

We-vibe Tango Vibe review

It used to be that bullet vibes inevitably meant buzzy vibrations and an itchy clit. The N or watch batters ran out at the most inopportune moments and were notoriously hard to replace. Luckily it is no longer always the case. At first we got LELO Mia with USB charging and pleasant, moderately intense vibrations (perfectly sufficient for most, but certainly not for clits of steel). Then came Salsa and Tango from Standard Innovations (We-vibe). They also had inbuilt rechargeable batteries but they proved to be crazy powerful. No wonder reviewers went crazy over them.

Salsa (now discontinued) and Tango look just like ordinary hard plastic bullets with one button control. But as it really is one just needs to press that button to see why they are anything but ordinary and totally worth the investment. The strength of the vibrations is just unprecedented.

Once upon a time…

A couple of years back I managed to get my hands on the Salsa and it instantly became Caramel’s go to clitoral stimulator dethroning even a previous favourite – her fingers. Every other vibe got labelled as “to itchy” or “to numbing”. Only Salsa’s vibrations were deep and rumbly enough to satisfy her. That’s why when I realized that I was offered a second generation Tango and not similarly named rabbit from Fun Factory I jumped on the opportunity.
Standard Innovations is famous for paying attention to their customers. They offer very few products, often opting for improving on a previous idea instead of releasing something new and half-baked. This made our hopes for the Tango even higher. It was set to either take over Salsa’s spot or be labelled as a failure.

Tango 2.0

The TL;DR on the second gen Tango is “even more awesome”. It has all the pros of the first generation: deep vibrations, elegant look and versatility (fits standard bullet holes e.g. in Tantus, Rocks Off and Fuze toys) and two less faults. The battery has better staying power and the charging no longer makes me angry.
Our Salsa worked for 20-30 minutes on a charge, after that it refused to start even though it still had some juice left. With the Tango we had to put off starting this review till we managed to completely drain the Tango (we charged it once between getting it and starting writing this, but as we are slow reviewers, we can confirm that our opinion still stands after quite a few charging cycles). Granted, we usually only use this toy for a few minutes at the time, the orgasms are too intense to keep going, it’s still an impressive feat. Salsa had a bad rep for refusing to work even when it had a lot of juice – every time I wanted to bring the intensity down I risked not being able to turn it on. Tango can be turned on even when it’s close to being completely drained. It’ll just turn off during. Luckily there is a blinking light that warns about low battery. It starts early enough that we are able to hurry up and finish before it turns off.

Both the new and the old charger have two parts: the cable and the magnetic charging port. Older version is mains powered, newer connects to an USB port (either in your PC or in your wall adapter). That’s neat since the small port is all you need to take on top of your USB charger that you’ll be taking anyway for your phone or tablet if you want to travel with your Tango.

Furthermore the new charging magnets are way stronger. Charging Salsa was frustrating because it liked to disconnect. Tango doesn’t have this problem. Once it’s connected it stays that way until I purposefully detach it.

Bullet on steroids

I really like the Tango, however, years ago, when I got the Salsa I wasn’t so enthusiastic. I yearned for a 0.25 speed setting. Those intense, rumbly vibrations combined with one button control were too much too soon for my clit. There isn’t much that could be done about the controls – a second button on the base would be too hard to click and would cause more confusion. Moving the controls to the side would only make the toy less versatile. Remote control technology is still to unreliable for me to want a remote controlled toy. As it is Tango’s lowest speed is “Oh, f*ck, that sh*t’s strong!” and I use tricks I got from Betty Dodson to deal with it. Yes, you read that right – I treat a lipstick sized vibe as I would a legendary mains-powered wand.

That’s Tango for you: 0 to 60 in a second, and then twice as much if you’re in for the ride. What’s high for a lot of vibes here get’s labelled as low – it reminds me of Bad Dragon size charts.

However if I keep to a few ground rules: stay away from my clit till it’s ready, use my underwear as a buffer at first, the Tango rewards me with quick and insanely powerful orgasms. And, unlike my massager it won’t leave my clit numb and itchy. Are those $80 orgasms? Yes, they are. Compared to lots of other similarly priced toys Tango really stands out.

I’m planning in investing in silicone sleeves for my Tango. The vibrations will spread around a bit, calm down a bit. There is no risk of them getting too weak since I very rarely venture past lever two. With the sleeve I will finally be able to enjoy the patterns – 3 pulses and a rollercoaster – as they use the full speed.

Who needs a Tango?

I don’t know whether I would recommend it to somebody with no vibrating experience. On one hand it’s a cool toy, on the other I needed time and patience to start enjoying Salsa. My girlfriend took right to it even tough previously she preferred to use her finger. LELO Mia is certainly weaker but it has a larger scale of vibrations.

If you crave the power but not in a such pin-point way, check out We-vibe Touch or LELO Siri. The vibrations are a tad weaker because of the silicone skin, but still deep and satisfying.

But if you want something strong and pinpoint, if you’ve found vibrators to be numbing and causing itching, do yourself a favour and buy the Tango. It really gives unique sensations.
And if you’ve got a beloved dildo, plug, cockring or harness with a bullet hole, all the more reason to buy the Tango. It will super-charge those like nothing else. Forget the watch batteries. It is 2015.

3 sex toy legends I’m dying to try


Magic Wand Original

Magic Wand Original

Magic Wand Original

This behemoth of a massager is the first toy I ever wanted to try. It all started way before it was legal for me to watch porn, before I realized that I might not be straight, before I even experimented with penetration. I was discovering my body, reading everything I could on sex, masturbation and orgasms. That’s how I’ve stumbled upon Betty Dodson’s site (the old version). WOW. The teen me was so impressed. In a matter of days I used Kaaza Lite to download pirated copies of all of her masturbation and orgasm coaching videos I could find. I was fascinated. I vividly remember how the women lost control, trembled, shook and finally trashed under the power of The Hitachi.

I’ve grown up in a culture where sexual pleasure was the domain of men. Men were both the subjects and the objects in the erotic narratives I consumed. The portrayal of women and their sexuality didn’t speak to me so I’ve switched to a strict slash fan fiction diet. Probably that’s why no matter how much I’ve read on the great sexual potential of women it didn’t ring true. Until I’ve seen those videos. Then I got it. Loud (with headphones) and clear.

If I lived in the US Magic Wand would have been my first sex toy. As it happened, living in Poland, in the beginning of the new millennium, long before the Silicone Revolution and on a very limited budget of a high schooler who doesn’t get regular pocket money, I choose another staple. A jelly rabbit. And I liked it. I liked it a lot. It made my orgasms more intense and got me comfortable with penetration. But later it came about that it was a double agent working with yeast and other hostile agents to cause mayhem and overthrow the established lactobacillus cultures in the down under.

Since this time I’ve tried 3 wand-style massagers, 2 of them corded. I’ve liked them, but to a degree. The power is good, but nothing earth-shattering. The durability is very poor. As much as I love tease and denial, it stops being fun when it’s provided not by your hot girlfriend but by a temperamental toy. From reading comparison reviews of what I have and The Wand I know that it’s not my clit. It’s them. I’m done with the imitations. I want the real thing. NOW.

Recently I came very close to fulfilling that dream. I was contacted by the lovely people from Maxi Wand. They are an authorized distributor of the Magic Wand Original – it’s their job to make sure you get the good stuff and not an under-powered, shorting out or overheating fake. I got very excited! I could almost feel the brutal, demanding thud of the Wand on my genitals. I fantasized about those tease and denial sessions with my girlfriend where the only thing I can utter is a shaky “May I please come, Miss?”. When I got my period I popped the pills massaging my tummy and whispering “Soon, soon.”1Unfortunately, them being an official distributor meant that they have to obey the rules. That means no wands in Europe. I’ve heard of many people using the wand with the 230V adapter and not one person getting shocked. But them’s the rules. Eh, I’ll get mine sometime.

Meanwhile there is also a UK version of the Wand. It’s called UK Wand and retails for £79.95, UK shipping included. As I’m updating this, there is £20 limited time discount, so hurry up 😉 Just like the Original it has 2 speeds but the creators also added 8 patterns. That’s why the standard switch is replaced by a two button (next and on/off) control. It can be ordered through the official UK Wand website.

The Eroscillator

Eroscillator in purple as opposed to the traditional copper.

Eroscillator in purple as opposed to the traditional copper.

Eroscillator is a big, industrial looking, mains-powered clit toy just like the Magic Wand. However that’s where the similarities end. Where the Wand is broad the Eroscillator is pin-point. Where one is powerful the other is subtle and made for prolonged stimulation. The unique and patented oscillating motion was inspired by the oh so common sexual misuse of electric toothbrushes.

The main reason I want it is that unlike other vibrators it doesn’t cause a temporary clitoral numbness associated with other powerful vibrators. My libido tends to fluctuate a lot, mainly around my menstrual cycle. I either want to play all the time or I couldn’t be bothered for more than a 5 minute quickie orgasm to help me sleep. During those binges I spend a lot of the time masturbating with strong clitoral vibrators, which takes a toll on my clit. When I initiate sex with my girlfriend, I’m much less likely to come from her mouth alone if a short couple of hours ago I was using my Comfort Massager. It still feels great, and if I add anal and vaginal penetration or switch to a vibe I can get where I want. But it makes me wonder how would it be if my response was heightened instead of dampened, without having to give up my solo orgasms and without switching to my fingers (and losing about 80% of the pleasure).

Plus, from the type of stimulation my girlfriend enjoys, where a single finger on the clitoris can only be surpassed by the We-Vibe bullets, I think the Eroscillator would be great for her too. And it would put an end to the “Why is the Tango not charged?” ongoing argument. 2

The Pure Wand

Pure Wand by N-Joy

Pure Wand by N-Joy

While the previous toys were all about the external, this one is a g-spotting power tool. And unlike the two above, it’s beautiful. The slick, shiny stainless steel promises an effortless glide while the sharp curve taunts with punishingly intense stimulation. It’s touted as the best and most effective squirting tool. I want it.

So far I’ve found out that penetration-wise I prefer glass to shiny silicone to matte one. The less drag the better, at least when it comes to how easily and quickly I can get into the swing of things. I still love the Fun Factory Bouncer and the Stronic Zwei, but that’s also because their curves are gentle, so even hard thrusting with the former rocks but doesn’t jar. However for a very long time my favourite dildo was the Amethyst g-spotter. I loved the focus, the intensity… until it became too little. I got comfortable with penetration and now it’s only good for the first orgasm. After that it doesn’t feel substantial or extreme enough.


Of course those three are not the only toys I dream of trying. Vixen Creations tempts me with the tales of the softness of their VixSkin double layer silicone. Bad Dragon arouses me with their exotic designs that would go so well with the porn I’m recently enjoying. Mathew Healy makes me crave his unique and magnificent glass artistry. Ah, what a wonderful, yet painful time to be a sex toy aficionado.

Please note that while this post was sponsored by Maxiwand, all the contained opinions and endorsements are mine.

  1. Only orgasms from big massagers chase my cramps away as effectively as (but far more promptly then) Ibuprofen. 
  2. While the battery life of the Tango is much improved, we are still a pair of lazy pants who always forget to put things in order after we finish using them. Just ask my tablet when was the last time it ate. I don’t know how our chinchillas stay so chubby. 


Bounce, baby… – Fun Factory Bouncer Review

While almost every adult toymaker has tried to be “innovative”, few have truly made it. Looking at some of the products I (and many other reviewers) am wondering if they were tested on living people before they went on the market. It takes a lot more than an interesting idea and catchy marketing to make a good toy. It doesn’t mean, however that “new” has to mean “half-baked”. There are companies that can force their R&D teams to work on prototypes until they come up with a product that will not only sell but bring loyal customers to the brand.

For me Fun Factory counts as one of those companies. Yes, not all of their “innovations” work (tiny cervices on an anal toy – seriously?!), but you have to remember that they started the European wave of the Silicone Revolution TM by giving us colourful, powerful and safe alternatives to Chinese Jelly To The People regime. They gave us the pulsators. They came up with a new strapless strap-on so that we don’t have to ship one from overseas. That’s why me and my girlfriend love unboxing their stuff – it’s always exciting.

I have to admit, that browsing the Internet, I gave myself some wrong ideas about the thing we were going to get this time. I saw a toy called Bouncer that seemed to move on its own and (like kid watching an ad for a boat going in circles in the bathtub) totally disregarded all the blurbs about a mix of pleasure balls and a dildo. I usually don’t like reading too much about a toy before I have a chance to get my own opinion (in case it sucks – and I will dread testing from the get-go). So the fact that Bouncer is hand-powered surprised me. I thought it would shake on its own like the Stronics. Well, I thought wrong.


Since the beginning it was hard for me to keep my hands off this toy. And I don’t mean it only in the sense of using it – every occasion to fondle it was a good one. Shaking it like a shake weight, bending it, squeezing – I love torturing new toys like that and this dildo got more than its fair share. The silicone is matte and silky-smooth (lint alert: medium) – the finish reminds me again of the Stronics. However, after some blind testing I had to admit that my fingertips cannot differentiate between the Stronic Zwei, Share Vibe and the Bouncer. I still stand by my opinion that Share’s a bit more scratchy/abrasive and lube hungry in use.

The Bouncer looks good – just as good as in Fun Factory’s photos. Mine is deep, but not dark, red, just like the tulips that I see sold this spring. My photos don’t do it justice, so use them only for size reference. There is a slight seam but it can only be seen, not felt, even by fingers. It’s a high quality product.

All the above is nice, but it’s not the most important aspect of the toy. Let’s get to the “How does it feel like?” part. Well, it feels really good when used vaginally. It reminds me the most of the gentle rocking of my Stronic Zwei (and they both sound pretty much alike). I don’t find it comparable to using Kegel balls. Irregular, once in a while tapping is very different than rhythmic, almost regular rocking I get when I get into the swing of things with my Bouncer. The three balls in this dildo are going crazy, beating against the spheres they were put into, adding to the sensations caused by the bubbly shape of the toy.

The length, firmness and placement of the internal spheres make this dildo very easy to use and to use it hard and fast. The base fits well in my hand although it could be a bit smaller. I haven’t experienced any hand cramping or other unpleasantness aside from my arms going a bit rubbery mid-way to orgasm using this toy.

I’ve tried to decipher how much of my excitement is caused by the sound of the internal balls alone but my experiments with ear plugs didn’t give me much insight. I suspect some of what I perceive as touch is in fact sound, but at the end I’ll say: if it feels good I won’t discriminate based on why it does. I don’t own a similarly shaped but bead-less toy for a comparison to ascertain how much sensation those 3 beads actually add but my guess is quite a lot.

Despite loving heavy thrusting the Bouncer into my vagina I can’t say I like it as an anal toy. The most important reason is the size and the shape. Going from zero to 4 cm in such a short time is too much for my butt most of the time, even with good prep. Even when I manage to get it in I can’t thrust it hard and fast enough to get the effect that I like so much vaginally. I don’t think this problem is universal. People with much less wimpy butts, who know they will be able to enjoy hard thrusting with this behemoth will like this toy. I will keep to my Stronic Zwei. It’s just as thick, but not right off the bat and the movement is sooo much gentler.

Coming back to the ad, I see that Fun Factory has in the end made one unsupported claim. The base of the dildo is smooth, just as they say, but it is by no means a suction cup. Even with a very smooth surface it remains upright only for a while and one wrong move is enough to unstick it. The Bouncer doesn’t suck, even when it’s supposed to. Once can say that grounding the Bouncer would take away its magical shaking powers but it doesn’t change the fact that a good suction cup makes a toy more universal. Making the base a bit concave wouldn’t take away anything from the toy, but it would have opened up some new possibilities.

TL;DR Bouncer is a very nice dildo. Easy to use, interesting shape, quality materials and manufacture and that little something that no other has. It’s become my vaginal default and it will stay like that for some time.

The only thing that keeps me from shouting “Go get a Bouncer, people!” is the price. 90 EUR is not unusual for a high end toy, provided it’s electronic. Bouncer is hand-powered. I don’t have enough know-how to estimate how much it takes to sink those 3 balls into the silicone but I would hazard a guess that it’s way less than putting in a vibrating engine and battery. So the price is steep and I think it will remain that way until other companies copy the idea.

So if after reading this you are looking at the Bouncer with lust in your eyes, I recommend you buy it. If you like intense, fast and hard thrusting this will be worth the splurge. If you are intrigued by the sensations I’m describing but suspect your body won’t keep up, go buy a piggy bank and start saving for the Stronic of your choice. And if, like my lovely partner, you are not into the whole big and hard business, go with a glass g-spotter. There’s no reason to get upset over what your body likes – each to their own. Also: the Bouncer is not beginner-friendly – it’s too expensive, too big and too exceptional for it.

HedoVibes Round Up #83



Welcome to HedoVibes, a collection of reviews and giveaways that were posted in the past week or so from around the web. This is a collection of adult product reviews & contests from real reviewers. If you want to be included in the next edition start with the guidelines, then use the submission form.

Want to read more reviews? Check out HedoVibes for a list of the latest reviews and stellar reviewers. You can also follow on twitter for the latest round ups. HedoVibes is also accepting photo submissions for each edition.











Don’t spring this on me – Fun Factory Spring (clitoral vibe) Review

Bargain hunting on the Internet has become one of the most popular ways of wasting time and money. While others browse clothes, shoes or books, I prefer looking for good deals on sex toys. I check out auctions on a certain website and stores whose proprietors don’t really know what they are selling (more chances you can find silicone priced similarly to jelly-shit) 1 .

From time to time I buy something – sometimes for quarter the normal price, sometimes for half and other full (but for items I couldn’t get otherwise in Poland). The results are very different: from toys that we joke we’ll fight for custody of in case we split2 to… oh well… Fun Factory Spring.

Maybe I shouldn’t be so harsh. After all this toy is not evil incarnate. It’s not like it’s LELO Ida which deserves it’s own horror movie as a homage (or even a full season of American Horror Story). I can point out Spring’s strong points without having to think about it or exaggerate. A toy without those features (almost) wouldn’t be able to make my favorite list. But… Let’s start from the top.


Fun Factory Spring is a rather short and girthy vibe covered with pistachio or raspberry-colored silicone sleeve. Because of it’s brand you don’t have to worry about safety of the materials – it’s just what it says on the package – pure, medical grade silicone body and non-toxic hard plastic base. The sleeve covering the motor is quite soft and gives way when squeezed firmly with fingers but not then in use. The finish is matte, without grain. In my experience it has far less drag than Fun Factory’s Flash or Calla but more than LELO Ella. A drop or two of lube go a long way with this one.

Fun Factory Sring

The tip and the shaft of the vibe is decorated with four randomly placed convex flowers. While the three down the shaft aren’t very prominent and I don’t feel them much, the one near the end stands out more and saves this toy from getting Disappointment of the Year award. Why? I’ll get to that in a bit.

Spring is powered by a long-lasting inbuilt rechargeable battery. To charge it up you need Fun Factory’s universal magnetic Click’n’Cacharge charger (recently they introduced a USB version). Older versions of the charger tend to be finicky, but newer (with the sticker – just like on the photo below) don’t disconnect just because someone dared to jostle them a bit. When the toy is fully charged, charger’s light changes to constant (old version) or turns off (new version). To get on the good side of environmentally conscious and those who lack free space Fun Factory often sells it’s vibes without the charger in case somebody already bought one with a previous toy purchase.

Fun Factory Click and charge new charger

Spring is easy to control with two buttons:

“+” – long press to turn it on, smoothly increase speed and then to access the first of three patterns; short press to go one level up in speeds or patterns.

“-” – long press to turn it off; short press to decrease speed or change from patterns to constant vibration.

There is no way to lock the toy to protect it from accidentally turning on while at the same time keeping it uncharged hurts the capacity of the inbuilt battery. Fortunately the buttons are designed quite well and I haven’t had any problems with them.

So far so good. You might think Spring is a quite decent vibrator: safe materials, nice look with no seams or defects, long-lasting rechargeable battery… Good B grade, maybe even B+ is I add that it’s not too noisy (can’t be heard from a closed door, comparable to other FF products). Oh, if it wasn’t for the vibrations! According to Fun Factory they are strong and deep. Maybe they are strong. But deep? More like deeply buried. As it is I grab my Spring, press “+” twice, feel the power buzzing in my hand, put in on my clit…. and fall asleep with boredom. Pressing it harder doesn’t help. Going to one of the three pulsing modes only makes it worse. Only thing that helps is rubbing the texture near the tip against my clitoris. The nub in the center of the flower helps to focus and direct just a bit of the vibrations. Then, flexing my thigh muscles as hard as I can, thinking most perverted thoughts I can imagine I can squeeze one, weak and totally unenjoyable orgasm.

I thought that since it’s so bad at external stimulation, internally it could do better. After all the irregular shape with a bit of a curve could theoretically be good for my G-spot. No such luck – the length of the toy together with the shape of the base make it so I can either insert it or grip it well. No room for both, even with my preference for shallow vaginal penetration. Once natural juices or lube are added to the mix there is no way I can thrust with this toy.

To sum it all up I’m really glad Spring was just an auction win. For the price it normally costs I expect to get more that I do from a cheap plastic “classic” vibe. In this case I got less.

Fun Factory Spring has become a tool of punishment for us. We get to use it on ourselves when we forget to charge anything better or buy AAs. Although it’s not quite fair since I get the brunt of it – Caramel prefers her fingers.

Caramel’s input:

It’s true – I don’t know how they achieved it but it’s one of the few toys that simply irritate me. When I put it on my clit I feel only light buzzing. I can make it feel better by rubbing the texture but why bother since I get more and easier with just my fingers? Then I don’t have to deal with itching numbness that Spring brings. It’s only good for irritating and tormenting. I really don’t need much clit stimulation to come. Just a tiny bit enough! But with Spring I need to rub the texture on my clit very fast or the vibrations will numb me before I have a chance to come. I blame this on too thick silicone skin and the fact that it doesn’t stick to the insides of the toy. It dampens the vibrations and decreases their depth. One day I will get mad enough to skin it and we’ll find out if this is what causes the problem.



  1. Caramel: Wild is banned from buying new things till she deals with the backlog.
  2. Caramel: Speak for yourself – I’m not joking.


My short love affair with Mia – offsite review link


LELO Mia in pink pluged into an USB port

Twice during my career as a sex toy reviewer I managed to win a toy not knowing I was entering a contest. Funny since when I deliberately participate in giveaways I never have such luck. First time I won was caused by a allconsuming surge of love and awe for

Mathew Healy‘s glass dildos and plugs. Since I was broke at the time only way I could express myself (and I had to or I would burst) was to write an article. I’ve sent it to a Polish portal Seksualność Kobiet(Women’s Sexuality) and found out they were having a writing contest. That’s how I won LELO Mia.

Since then I’ve reviewed Mia twice, but still don’t think I’ve done it justice.

IMPORTANT: currently you can encounter three versions of LELO Mia. The first version (let’s call it 1A) is weak and prone to crashes. The second one (1B) is stronger and doesn’t crash – this is the one I reviewed. Version 2 came out recently and according to Epiphora is about as strong as 1B but is also waterproof and has a few additional patterns. If those two improvements aren’t important for you and you find a really good sale on 1B I say grab it! What you don’t want is someone saddling you with 1A. How to tell which one is which? By looking inside the cap and at the USB port:

  • 1A cap has no grooves inside, USB port is surrounded by silicone
  • 1B cap has grooves inside, USB port is surrounded by silicone
  • 2 cap has no grooves inside, USB port is surrounded by plastic painted shiny silver.

Got it?