Bargain hunting on the Internet has become one of the most popular ways of wasting time and money. While others browse clothes, shoes or books, I prefer looking for good deals on sex toys. I check out auctions on a certain website and stores whose proprietors don’t really know what they are selling (more chances you can find silicone priced similarly to jelly-shit) 1 .
From time to time I buy something – sometimes for quarter the normal price, sometimes for half and other full (but for items I couldn’t get otherwise in Poland). The results are very different: from toys that we joke we’ll fight for custody of in case we split2 to… oh well… Fun Factory Spring.
Maybe I shouldn’t be so harsh. After all this toy is not evil incarnate. It’s not like it’s LELO Ida which deserves it’s own horror movie as a homage (or even a full season of American Horror Story). I can point out Spring’s strong points without having to think about it or exaggerate. A toy without those features (almost) wouldn’t be able to make my favorite list. But… Let’s start from the top.
Fun Factory Spring is a rather short and girthy vibe covered with pistachio or raspberry-colored silicone sleeve. Because of it’s brand you don’t have to worry about safety of the materials – it’s just what it says on the package – pure, medical grade silicone body and non-toxic hard plastic base. The sleeve covering the motor is quite soft and gives way when squeezed firmly with fingers but not then in use. The finish is matte, without grain. In my experience it has far less drag than Fun Factory’s Flash or Calla but more than LELO Ella. A drop or two of lube go a long way with this one.
The tip and the shaft of the vibe is decorated with four randomly placed convex flowers. While the three down the shaft aren’t very prominent and I don’t feel them much, the one near the end stands out more and saves this toy from getting Disappointment of the Year award. Why? I’ll get to that in a bit.
Spring is powered by a long-lasting inbuilt rechargeable battery. To charge it up you need Fun Factory’s universal magnetic Click’n’Cacharge charger (recently they introduced a USB version). Older versions of the charger tend to be finicky, but newer (with the sticker – just like on the photo below) don’t disconnect just because someone dared to jostle them a bit. When the toy is fully charged, charger’s light changes to constant (old version) or turns off (new version). To get on the good side of environmentally conscious and those who lack free space Fun Factory often sells it’s vibes without the charger in case somebody already bought one with a previous toy purchase.
Spring is easy to control with two buttons:
“+” - long press to turn it on, smoothly increase speed and then to access the first of three patterns; short press to go one level up in speeds or patterns.
“-” - long press to turn it off; short press to decrease speed or change from patterns to constant vibration.
There is no way to lock the toy to protect it from accidentally turning on while at the same time keeping it uncharged hurts the capacity of the inbuilt battery. Fortunately the buttons are designed quite well and I haven’t had any problems with them.
So far so good. You might think Spring is a quite decent vibrator: safe materials, nice look with no seams or defects, long-lasting rechargeable battery… Good B grade, maybe even B+ is I add that it’s not too noisy (can’t be heard from a closed door, comparable to other FF products). Oh, if it wasn’t for the vibrations! According to Fun Factory they are strong and deep. Maybe they are strong. But deep? More like deeply buried. As it is I grab my Spring, press “+” twice, feel the power buzzing in my hand, put in on my clit…. and fall asleep with boredom. Pressing it harder doesn’t help. Going to one of the three pulsing modes only makes it worse. Only thing that helps is rubbing the texture near the tip against my clitoris. The nub in the center of the flower helps to focus and direct just a bit of the vibrations. Then, flexing my thigh muscles as hard as I can, thinking most perverted thoughts I can imagine I can squeeze one, weak and totally unenjoyable orgasm.
I thought that since it’s so bad at external stimulation, internally it could do better. After all the irregular shape with a bit of a curve could theoretically be good for my G-spot. No such luck – the length of the toy together with the shape of the base make it so I can either insert it or grip it well. No room for both, even with my preference for shallow vaginal penetration. Once natural juices or lube are added to the mix there is no way I can thrust with this toy.
To sum it all up I’m really glad Spring was just an auction win. For the price it normally costs I expect to get more that I do from a cheap plastic “classic” vibe. In this case I got less.
Fun Factory Spring has become a tool of punishment for us. We get to use it on ourselves when we forget to charge anything better or buy AAs. Although it’s not quite fair since I get the brunt of it – Caramel prefers her fingers.
It’s true – I don’t know how they achieved it but it’s one of the few toys that simply irritate me. When I put it on my clit I feel only light buzzing. I can make it feel better by rubbing the texture but why bother since I get more and easier with just my fingers? Then I don’t have to deal with itching numbness that Spring brings. It’s only good for irritating and tormenting. I really don’t need much clit stimulation to come. Just a tiny bit enough! But with Spring I need to rub the texture on my clit very fast or the vibrations will numb me before I have a chance to come. I blame this on too thick silicone skin and the fact that it doesn’t stick to the insides of the toy. It dampens the vibrations and decreases their depth. One day I will get mad enough to skin it and we’ll find out if this is what causes the problem.