„Is it a pneumatic hammer in your pocket?” We-vibe Tango Vibe review

It used to be that bullet vibes inevitably meant buzzy vibrations and an itchy clit. The N or watch batters ran out at the most inopportune moments and were notoriously hard to replace. Luckily it is no longer always the case. At first we got LELO Mia with USB charging and pleasant, moderately intense vibrations (perfectly sufficient for most, but certainly not for clits of steel). Then came Salsa and Tango from Standard Innovations (We-vibe). They also had inbuilt rechargeable batteries but they proved to be crazy powerful. No wonder reviewers went crazy over them.

Salsa (now discontinued) and Tango look just like ordinary hard plastic bullets with one button control. But as it really is one just needs to press that button to see why they are anything but ordinary and totally worth the investment. The strength of the vibrations is just unprecedented.

Once upon a time…

A couple of years back I managed to get my hands on the Salsa and it instantly became Caramel’s go to clitoral stimulator dethroning even a previous favourite – her fingers. Every other vibe got labelled as “to itchy” or “to numbing”. Only Salsa’s vibrations were deep and rumbly enough to satisfy her. That’s why when I realized that I was offered a second generation Tango and not similarly named rabbit from Fun Factory I jumped on the opportunity.
Standard Innovations is famous for paying attention to their customers. They offer very few products, often opting for improving on a previous idea instead of releasing something new and half-baked. This made our hopes for the Tango even higher. It was set to either take over Salsa’s spot or be labelled as a failure.

Tango 2.0

The TL;DR on the second gen Tango is “even more awesome”. It has all the pros of the first generation: deep vibrations, elegant look and versatility (fits standard bullet holes e.g. in Tantus, Rocks Off and Fuze toys) and two less faults. The battery has better staying power and the charging no longer makes me angry.
Our Salsa worked for 20-30 minutes on a charge, after that it refused to start even though it still had some juice left. With the Tango we had to put off starting this review till we managed to completely drain the Tango (we charged it once between getting it and starting writing this, but as we are slow reviewers, we can confirm that our opinion still stands after quite a few charging cycles). Granted, we usually only use this toy for a few minutes at the time, the orgasms are too intense to keep going, it’s still an impressive feat. Salsa had a bad rep for refusing to work even when it had a lot of juice – every time I wanted to bring the intensity down I risked not being able to turn it on. Tango can be turned on even when it’s close to being completely drained. It’ll just turn off during. Luckily there is a blinking light that warns about low battery. It starts early enough that we are able to hurry up and finish before it turns off.

Both the new and the old charger have two parts: the cable and the magnetic charging port. Older version is mains powered, newer connects to an USB port (either in your PC or in your wall adapter). That’s neat since the small port is all you need to take on top of your USB charger that you’ll be taking anyway for your phone or tablet if you want to travel with your Tango.

Furthermore the new charging magnets are way stronger. Charging Salsa was frustrating because it liked to disconnect. Tango doesn’t have this problem. Once it’s connected it stays that way until I purposefully detach it.

Bullet on steroids

I really like the Tango, however, years ago, when I got the Salsa I wasn’t so enthusiastic. I yearned for a 0.25 speed setting. Those intense, rumbly vibrations combined with one button control were too much too soon for my clit. There isn’t much that could be done about the controls – a second button on the base would be too hard to click and would cause more confusion. Moving the controls to the side would only make the toy less versatile. Remote control technology is still to unreliable for me to want a remote controlled toy. As it is Tango’s lowest speed is “Oh, f*ck, that sh*t’s strong!” and I use tricks I got from Betty Dodson to deal with it. Yes, you read that right - I treat a lipstick sized vibe as I would a legendary mains-powered wand.

That’s Tango for you: 0 to 60 in a second, and then twice as much if you’re in for the ride. What’s high for a lot of vibes here get’s labelled as low – it reminds me of Bad Dragon size charts.

However if I keep to a few ground rules: stay away from my clit till it’s ready, use my underwear as a buffer at first, the Tango rewards me with quick and insanely powerful orgasms. And, unlike my massager it won’t leave my clit numb and itchy. Are those $80 orgasms? Yes, they are. Compared to lots of other similarly priced toys Tango really stands out.

I’m planning in investing in silicone sleeves for my Tango. The vibrations will spread around a bit, calm down a bit. There is no risk of them getting too weak since I very rarely venture past lever two. With the sleeve I will finally be able to enjoy the patterns – 3 pulses and a rollercoaster - as they use the full speed.

Who needs a Tango?

I don’t know whether I would recommend it to somebody with no vibrating experience. On one hand it’s a cool toy, on the other I needed time and patience to start enjoying Salsa. My girlfriend took right to it even tough previously she preferred to use her finger. LELO Mia is certainly weaker but it has a larger scale of vibrations.

If you crave the power but not in a such pin-point way, check out We-vibe Touch or LELO Siri. The vibrations are a tad weaker because of the silicone skin, but still deep and satisfying.

But if you want something strong and pinpoint, if you’ve found vibrators to be numbing and causing itching, do yourself a favour and buy the Tango. It really gives unique sensations.
And if you’ve got a beloved dildo, plug, cockring or harness with a bullet hole, all the more reason to buy the Tango. It will super-charge those like nothing else. Forget the watch batteries. It is 2015.

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